I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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