you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
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birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
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I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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