24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
