After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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