Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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