4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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