but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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