I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize