so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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