...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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