Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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