My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
