Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
No subtext here. People are naked.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
