It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
