I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
