Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
