Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
