college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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