Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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