What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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