I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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