my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
this must be what syphilis tastes like
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
