i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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