One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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