Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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