you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You ruined the universe
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
