I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
try to milk me bitch
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