I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
