That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
