My liver just broke up with me...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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