i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
