seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So vagazzling was a success
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
