I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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