Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Be still, my beating vagina.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
