Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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