You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
