News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
