Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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