i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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