I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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