dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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