Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
