His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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