I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
