I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
