am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize