i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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