remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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