you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just gargled with NyQuil
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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