I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
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I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
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On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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