at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
