When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
