He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
