does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
