p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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