Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
