at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
