exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
