Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
